The hardest lessons I have had to learn as a business owner.

This blog post was originally published on September 4th, 2023, on the Jo & Coaching blog.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my 36 years. Most of them were relationship-based and rooted in my unstable childhood, full of insecurities and survivor mode syndrome. But that tunnel made me into who I am today. This might feel like it is getting a little deep and dark, but I promise to lighten it up. Sitting here today, I have never been more proud of myself.

I am assuming you don’t know me, so just to let you in, in the last 15 years, I have managed to graduate college, survive a miscarriage, have two little girls, and get out of an insanely unhealthy relationship. In the last 9 years, I have managed to start a new career, remarry, give birth to my third child, a son, and become so successful that my husband no longer has to work. In the last six years, I have started my own company, made millions of dollars, and maintained healthy relationships with my husband and our six children. In the last two years, I hit rock bottom to get up again, stronger and more resilient than ever.

I realized I was creating a business model that others dream about for all the wrong reasons and that I thought I wanted. I hired and fired, was broken, gave it all up, and rebuilt with a system that was for me and my family. One that supported the lifestyle we all deserved. So to say, we have come a long way, would be an understatement with a back story that needs its own book, but that isn’t what today’s blog post is for. Today, I want to share with you the black-and-white lessons I have learned as a business owner over the last 5.5 years (how long I have had my current company (Jo & Co.) and 8.5 years (how long I have been in my field).

Lessons I learned the hard way.

1. Red flags are red flags. — That statement is in relation to interviewing and hiring employees.

I love people. I didn’t want to prejudge, and I always saw the best in them. I believed in giving second chances, and I failed to read between the lines. I forgot people embellish and there is a reason why they are seeking new employment.

So what I learned: If you see a red flag that causes that little voice in your head to speak to you, that is your gut talking to you, and you should listen. Red flags are there to prevent you from making the mistake of hiring the wrong people. Hiring the wrong people can have a huge ripple effect on your life and business. Not only can they cost you headaches but money.

2. You cannot be best friends with everyone.

I made the mistake of becoming too comfortable with my employees and talking to all of them as if they were my best friends. I respected and cared about each one of them, which led me to make selfless choices that hurt my family, my sanity, and my pocketbook. I wanted everyone to like me, and I didn’t realize that wasn’t how the boss should act, which led to most people not respecting me.

3. They don’t call your significant other your “other half” just for kicks and giggles.

I have been telling folks my husband is the smartest person I know forever, but my hard head has gotten in my way more than once, preventing me from listening to his advice. He really is my other half. He holds me down when I start floating away, and he lifts me up when I am feeling heavy. We might not always understand each other perfectly, but problems have solutions as long as I am willing to be present in the moment of overwhelm.

4. People aren’t as happy as they seem.

5. You get to define your own success.

Those two go hand in hand. At least they are lessons I learned in the same moments surrounded by the same types of people. I had my head in the cloud a year or two back, and I was surrounded by all of these “successful” people, which made me question myself. When I got to be in the same room with these people, I forgot I was successful. It caused me to change my trajectory and get off the path I was meant to be on. While “leaving the room,” I realized people weren’t as happy as they seemed. It was a weird revelation for me.

My favorite takeaway from that experience was that you get to define your success, and you shouldn’t make goals just because they are other people’s goals and a specific group of people are impressed by them. At the end of the day, the only people that are going to be there with you to enjoy what you have built are the people within your “four walls.” So those people are the only people you should be taking advice from regarding what kind of life you want to build. Because even though we are building businesses, you should be equally focused on the lifestyle that that business can support. And I don’t mean monetarily. I mean mentally, physically, and spiritually.

6. Don’t forget to pray.

There are so few solutions to the world of problems we have. They are “drink more water”, “get more sleep”, and don’t forget “to pray about it”. Next time you have a problem, make sure you are trying to solve it with enough sleep (sometimes the problem goes away with more sleep), drink more water, and then pray about it.

7. Not all answers can be found in a book.

I love to read. As a child, it was my escape; as an adult, it was my answer to growth. But it wasn’t until I accepted that not all answers are within a book that I really and truly began to grow. The hardest truths will be learned in real life, in the toughest moments.

8. Everything you need, you already have.

Wayne Dyer, an amazing author, once wrote, “Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now. You are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.” But he isn’t the only one who speaks on this topic. Gail Brenner wrote this beautiful blog post titled “You are already whole.” You can read it here.

I found myself being given the advice to “find myself,” which led me to believe I didn’t know who I was. This made me question everything. In the end, I think I was just given some bad advice.

9. You cannot trust others with your future.

I know this one sounds like I am being rude or cold, but anyone who has trusted the wrong person knows where I am coming from. Most people will make selfish decisions, so you need to be careful with who you trust with what. You are the only one who will care as much as you do.

10. You only get one chance.

There is a lot in life that you only get one chance at. Your reputation, raising your children, and making the right decision are the three that come to mind. I know you learn the most from making mistakes, but there comes a point where you are tired of making them, and you slow down.

That moment when you decide to slow down, all the other moments that follow are the sweetest ones of all.

Eeeek. I cannot believe I am putting this on the Internet. But it is my life’s mission to help others. I have this unexplainable urge to help anyone around me. I want to make the lives of others better. I don’t know if these words will do it, but they are the words I needed to hear so many years ago.

With love, Jo.